These porcelain dolls were destroyed in collaboration with the children of a neighbourhood known for its unstable family and living situation. 2017
Personally out of self-destruction and letting go, but the aggressiveness of the kids is truly remarkable, the frustration, the passion and their way to transmit these feelings is kind of intimidating. Since this moment I decided I want to focus on more on working with people to channel their emotions more easily and fluently.
As most works it takes me sometimes a while to understand why I made them. At the moment I create my work I sense if I have something special with it and it has a deeper form of meaning. Facing the truth is something way more complicated.
I had a troubled luxurious childhood and this wasn’t always easy. My mom struggled with mental diseases and this took more toll on my then I mostly want to admit. About 3 years after I created this work I finally understand why I created it. I am actually the broken doll, trying to master my appearance and trying to hold on and constantly being fixed, by others or myself.
During my modelling period people referred to me as the porcelain girl, this being a complement because of my intense white skin. I understand also that my face, attitude changed towards every emotion desired. The mask on my face was so thick that people didn’t seem to notice the person that was behind it.
Today that doll doesn’t exist anymore, I grew over the face of pleasing others and hoping to gain love and affection by doing that. Reality stays, that it doesn’t work.
Funny fact: The blanket on the last picture is the actual blanket my mother gave birth on when she got me.